Steven Wright, One of my favorite comedians Part I

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house, and four people died."

"I'm living on a one-way dead-end street. I don't know how I ever got there."

"Whenever I fill out an application and it says 'In case of an emergency notify...,' I put Doctor. What the hell is my mother gonna do?"

"I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli."

"I had a skylight installed in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious."

"I went into this restaurant that serves you breakfast at any time, so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."

"I wish my first word was 'quote', so when I died I could say 'un-quote'."

"I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it."

"If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, someone's making a penny."

"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."

"Next week I'm gonna have an MRI to find out whether or not I have claustrophobia."

"They say you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. So I got rid of everything to see what I had."

"When I woke up, everything in my apartment had been stolen...and replaced with exact replicas."

Review by David Jeffries