Horrible Neighbors #2

Three more from the archives:

During a bad snowstorm, I moved my *new* car from the street to the grass next to my driveway - a distance of about 20 feet.   Three police cars rolled up, while I was covering the car with a car cover, a rapid response worthy of an armed robbery. They said the Foul-Mouthed Religious Hypocrite Lady (FMRHL) called and said someone was driving my car "wildly" around the property.

Another day, Scary Old Man With Guns (SOMWG) called the police because the registration expired on my car, which was parked in front of my house. When I asked why he did that, SOMWG said I should "take care of that shit."

FMRHL called me, saying a Fedex package delivered to her house was missing. She lamented that one of my sons must have stolen it "as a joke." My answer that one son was at the Jersey Shore, and the other was in Philadelphia, at school, was not convincing. The police visited, suspicious that my explanation was "too handy."
FMRHL felt the missing item, a personal trampoline, was a "hot item", I think she meant popular. Somehow, I suppose, one of my sons divined the contents of the package and spirited it away between 11AM and 12 noon. "Boys will be boys", she surmised.